Utopia
by impavid fool
Summary: His request is always the same, and her response is always delivered in silence. [Eren/Annie]


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Sunlight poured in through the window, and he could hear birds, he heard nature waking up, heard chatter outside, he could hear life. The sheets were soft, white. He was warm, comfortable and safe. It was early, very early, so there was no rush to get out of bed. Actually, if he wanted to, he could stay hidden beneath the sheets for as long as he wanted. That sounded tempting; a shelter from reality. If Eren wanted, he could live in a world of ignorance forever.

Carefully, he rolled onto his side, and instantly a smile reached his lips. He wasn't alone. Beside him, she slept quietly, and was very still. Instinctively, his eyes flicked to watch her chest rise and fall faintly –– just to make sure she was alive, she hadn't left him. Then he realised, of course she wouldn't leave him. The thought of being abandoned shouldn't enter his mind, not at this moment. Because, right now, everything was perfect. Everything was how it should be.

Eren shuffled a little closer and rested his head on her chest, and he could hear her heartbeat. It was a little faster than his, and it was a cruel reminder –– a reminder she wasn't exactly _human_ –– but a reminder he managed to shrug off this one time. It made him feel drowsy, listening to the beat of her heart. A continuos, gentle rhythm, soft. He watched her, a playful glint in his eyes, waiting for her to stir. Right now, he could wait all day, all the time, he could just wait. Nothing was telling him not to, there was no morality in him waiting, there was no right or wrong in him waiting.

Suddenly she moved, and he quickly retreated, filled with excitement. He wanted to watch her response when she saw him. For some reason, he felt mischievous, as if he had been naughty, but he hadn't. Just the thrill of what was happening –– the _normalcy_ of waiting for her to wake up from a dream. To come back to him again. That was all he could ever want.

Propping himself on one elbow, he smirked when her eyes flickered open. The blueness in her irises glowed, they were startling and effortlessly took his breath away, but he was fast to recover. His heart skipped a beat when she recognised him, when her eyes danced over his features, catching his gaze, then his smile. He started to feel a little anxious. Anxious that she might possibly walk away, tell him none of this was real, but she wouldn't.

Not right now.

'I'm going to have to get used to waking up to your mug every day.'

Eren's smile broadened, and he leaned forwards to kiss her. It was a sweet kiss, lasting only three seconds, but enough to convince him she was _there_. She hadn't disappeared. 'You will.' The back of his hand brushed against her slightly flushed cheek, and he proceeded to curl a few strands of hair behind her ear. 'Your bedhead is hilarious.'

'Shut up,' Annie muttered, now _very_ self conscious about her appearance. _Asshole_.

Eren sniggered, 'Don't worry. You've looked worse.'

A scowl was written over her face, and she grabbed her pillow before smacking him with it. Eren gaped at the attack, but instantly started grinning, snatching his own and throwing it at her. Unfortunately, Annie was far more accustomed to such silly fights, and managed to tackle him down onto the mattress, before shoving the pillow onto his face. Eren pretended to suffocate, wailing and waving his fists, and his drama managed to make her laugh.

The pillow was removed from him, and he was able to experience her joy. Everything about her came to life; her happiness was infectious, as was her smile. He liked the redness in her cheeks, how untamed her blonde hair was –– it was always tidy, formal. It was nice to see her lose herself, it was nice to see her just notice him, and smile. It was nice to watch her _smile_. It was nice to let the minutes pass, it was nice to let the world go on ahead without them, it was nice to get left behind –– with her.

With her, nothing else existed. It came as a shock to him when he discovered this. The shock soon transformed into a horrible pain, like splinters inside his body; he felt like he was bleeding internally, something inside him had been wounded awfully and he couldn't recover. He couldn't stand up, he couldn't _move_. The shock paralysed him. Stunned him, and his body, his mind, _he_ wanted to cry. He wanted to cry, weep,_scream_.

A sigh left him when he looked up at her, and for the first time in years he was _okay_. He had what he wanted, he had the remedy, the cure for his agony. He had waited, waited, and waited until now. Now, she was here, and, now, he could erase everything, his history, their history, _everything_ could be erased because nothing else mattered anymore. Nothing else existed in Eren's tiny, little world. In his head, all that existed was happiness, the things that made him smile.

The things that gave him a reason to keep going.

Beyond the window and bedroom door, there was nothing. The only vision Eren had was of her, the tiny shelter they shared together, the sunlight and the birds chirping outside. The sound of living people, the sound of peace. There were no Titans, no soldiers, no cruel words, no betrayals, no hatred. There was just Eren and Annie. He had invited her to join him, to play along in this happy world, because she deserved to know what that was like –– at least once. She deserved to know what it was like to live in a world where she was loved, and where _she_ could love too.

They both did. They both deserved that mercy which reality was too harsh to offer.

'Morning,' Eren greeted, reaching upwards to cup her face. Her cheeks rose into a crooked smile.

'Good morning.'

Eren cocked his chin back slightly to accept her kiss, and this one was longer; there was a sense of _urgency_ to it. Desperation. Insecurity. _Doubt_. Scepticism. _Reality_. The more they kissed, the more she seemed to fade away, and he grabbed her hand, squeezed, interlocked her fingers with his and told her to come back. This time, he didn't ask, he didn't request. His confidence had improved since their last encounter; now, he could _demand_.

Demand she return, because he wanted to know what happened, he wanted her to give him a reason to forgive her horrid actions, and he wanted to see her properly. He told her he would wait, and he could be a patient man, but, wait too long, and he may just give up eventually. Annie heard him, she listened, she always listened, and he could tell she understood, she didn't hate him, she didn't frown at him, she didn't _walk away_. She understood.

For her, he would listen, try and make sense of her deeds. He wanted to know her. He was willing to turn around and welcome her with open arms –– he was willing to open his heart. Forgiveness would not come easy; she needed to help him.

But, more importantly, more importantly than anything else, _he would not hurt her_. That –– _that_ was what he could promise to her in return. He wouldn't dare touch her unless she wanted him to, he wouldn't harm her, he wouldn't (_couldn't_) spill her blood.

And every time he told her, she would tremble in his arms. She would shake, and a rush of emotion would travel through her. He would hold her tighter, whisper that promise again, and hoped she heard him. He would know why she trembled though, why she lost her breath. No one had promised to not hurt her, no one had promised to offer _love_ in return for _honesty_. She hadn't been treated with such _kindness_ before; and this shattered his heart completely.

Never would she reply, though. There was never a reply. Never a vocal response.

Because his dream simply couldn't _imagine_ a reply. His mind was limited, his vision of her was limited, fragmented, slowly _vanishing_. The longer he waited, the more he would forget. The longer he waited, the less likely she would appear in his dreams. The longer he waited, the more she slipped away from him.

Eren looked at her, smiled shortly, and told her again –– _come back_. He wanted to touch her cheek again, to kiss her, but when his fingertips brushed against her, the girl was gone. Gradually, his little world shrunk around him, and he was surrounded in a whiteness, before reality crushed his sore body back down to earth and he woke up.

It was raining, dark.

Annie had disappeared, his happiness had deserted him, and everything he held dear transformed into a gruesome ugliness. The world and life he desired was unreachable, untouchable, unobtainable. He could still feel her warmth, the tingling sensation on his lips where she had kissed him, and his cheeks still hurt from smiling at the girl who smiled back.

Then the memory of the dream began to fade, the picture of her, her touch, her love, her _joy_ –– and then, crumbled into ash.

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End file.
